If We Can Make It
by selanfene
Summary: HAITUS till summer. Sano and Mizuki are being put on thin ice from time to time. When Shin has a potentially fatal high jump accident, can they make it? Originally just a romance... now i'm not so sure. M for safety, possible lemons in future chapter
1. Shin

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, the manga, or anything else that I don't own.**

Chapter One--Shin

Izumi Sano sat cross-legged on the floor of his dorm room. His discarded school uniform was folded on his bed, and he aore a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Burying his head in his hands, he whispered, "Damn it, I should have taken better care of him while I was there..."

"Sano? Are you okay?" The sweet voice of his roommate, Ashiya Mizuki, broke the silence hanging over the room like a black cloud. Sano took a sharp breath of the humid air, trying not to think too hard about the fact that Mizuki, the girl he loved, was with him even now, in the hardest of times.

"I'll be fine," the raven-haired high jumper said. To prevent the statement from being a blatant lie, he added, "At least, I will be if he is."

That was a mistake, he realized. Squeezing his eyes shut, he willed himself not to cry. It was for naught, though—a warm tear slid down his smooth skin, dropping off his chin.

One tear gave way to the next; Sano's tear ducts ignored his silent plea not to cry. Silence descended on the room once again. Mizuki watched Sano allow the tears to come one at a time. He was so beauitful even at the most vulnerable of times. It was no wonder she had fallen in love with him.

Mizuki got up, walked over to Sano, and knelt. Sano felt cold fingers wiping tears off his face. He opened his wet eyes to see Mizuki kneeling in front of him, leaning forward on her knees, her face a mere 6 inches away from his, her delicate hands wiping the drops of warm, salty water from his face... she was so beautiful...

Suddenly, the boy realized what he was thinking. _No_, he chastised himself. _Mizuki doesn't know..._ He shut his eyes and turned away, trying to ignore the hurt inhale from Mizuki, and his own feeling of loss. He regretted forcing her away. He clenched his jaw as he felt his cheeks go hot. He was sure they were bright red.

"Um... I'm sure Shin'll be okay, Sano. You recovered from high jump injuries just fine," Mizuki pointed out. Her voice trembled ever so slightly, but otherwise did not acknowledge her own hurt feelings at Sano's sharp dismissal.

Izumi shook his head. "I didn't land on my head," he said, not bothering to keep the angry acid out of his voice.

"Well, maybe if you're so _worried _about your brother, you should go _see _him instead of sitting here where you _can't do any good_!!" Mizuki exploded. Sano could tell she was angry—very hurt and very angry. And it was his fault. He wanted to apologize, to tell her she was right and he was wrong. It wasn't that easy, though. Instead, he let the hurt silence stretch, not looking at her. The air was thick and brittle with tension.

"Shin hates me, Mizuki," he finally whispered. He couldn't just go see Shin _now _after deserting him—at least, it had been desertion in Shin's eyes. Shin had made it clear last time the two had come in contact that he hated his older brother. "I deserted him when he needed me, Mizuki. That isn't an easy fix. I can't just waltz into his hospital room after what he thinks I did to him."

Mizuki took a deep breath and willed herself not to yell. "Maybe instead of telling me you can't patch up your relationship with your little brother, you should go _try _it." Her voice was softer now, but she still sounded angry and hurt.

Sano looked up. "Maybe I should." Forcing himself not to appear agitated, he got up, grabbed his wallet off of his bed, and walked out.

"Shit," Mizuki whispered to the closed door behind her one love's back. "Now what've I done?"


	2. Two Days

**Disclaimer: I **_**still **_**don't own Hana-Kimi or any of the characters, dammit! I'll get on that.**

**and comments make me happy. :-)**

Chapter Two—Two Days

"Shit! Shit! Doctor!" Mizuki burst through the door to Umeda's office. The sight that confronted her was a shock—Kujo, half-naked, with Umeda's arms around his head. "Ah! Sor—oh... right... chiropractor..."

"Hello, Mizuki," Umeda said, unsurprised at her entrance. "Let me finish up with Kujo, then we can talk."

Five minutes later, the door to the health center shut behind Kujo's broad back. Mizuki burst out in tears. "Oh, _shit_, Umeda!"

"Kami, Mizuki... what'd you do now? You never swear!" Umeda straddled his chair and sat, has head on his hands, watching Ashiya Mizuki break down with a steady, unnerving stare.

"Shit—I _really _made Sano mad! Now I don't know where he's gone and—we need to find him! I'm sure I can get Noe and Sekime and Nakatsu and—"

"Whoa, wait, rewind. Just... start over, okay? What happened?" Umeda took off his glasses and cleaned the lenses. "Take it from the top and... well, do me a favor and try to calm down a little."

"Well, you know how he is about Shin. And you know about Shin's accident, right?"

"Accident? Oh... you mean when he fell in the high jump competition and hit his head? How is he now?"

"Comatose," Mizuki said sourly.

"Oh, dear. Well, there's not much we can do about it," the doctor said matter-of-factly. "Go on."

"Wel, Sano was... uh, crying about it, so I went over to comfort him—"

"Oh, hell, baka! What'd you DO?!"

"I... well, I knelt in front of him and wiped away his tears. I was just trying to help, but..."

"Kami, no _wonder_! Poor, poor Sano!" Umeda appeared to be in pain. He covered his eyes. "Go on, though. Apparently that's not all."

"Like I said, I was just trying to help, but he turned me away." (At this point, Umeda nodded understandingly and said, "What else was he to do?") "He, like, shut his eyes and sort of... turned away... like, shrugged off my efforts to help him." Mizuki paused to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye. "I told him Shin would be okay, and he got mad."

"That hurt you and you exploded, am I right?"

Mizuki was too miserable to wonder at the fact that Umeda knew how it had gone. "Dead on. I told him he should go see his brother instead of staying here and crying over spilled milk. He told me Shin hated him and he couldn't fix it that easily. And... and I told him to try." Mizuki blinked back tears. "And then..."

"He left," Umeda finished for her.

"H-hai," she hiccuped. "He just took his wallet..." She mimed taking a wallet. "And... he left." Her foice cracked on the final syllable, and she dissolved into tears.

"Well, maybe he went to see his brother. Or maybe he just went for a walk. We can't be sure. But Sano won't just leave you hanging. He'll either come back or contact you. I'm sure of it."

"So... What do I do?"

"You wait. It's the only rational idea we have, is it not? Don't say it, Mizuki—leaving is a stupid idea. Don't try to follow him—two moving souls will never find one another. He'll find you—you don't need to find him."

"How do you know?"

"I just know," Umeda assured her, ruffling her hair slightly—an uncharactersitc action, but Mizuki appreciated it. "Give him two days. If, by the 3rd morning, he has neither returned nor contacted you, let me know. Now get out, I've got stuff to do."

Mizuki nodded. "Arigatou, Umeda," she mumbled as she pushed open the door.

"Poor, poor Sano," Umeda muttered as Mizuki left.

Sano pulled on Yujiro's leash. "Leave the cat alone, Yujiro," he reprimanded the dog. He wasn't exactly in prime dog-walking mood, but he had needed SOMETHING to concentrate on rather than think about Shin—or, now that he'd hurt her again, Mizuki.

"I'm pathetic, Yujiro," he said sullenly. He shoved his left handin the hip pocket of his sweatpants. His wallet had a lot of money in it—deffinately enough to live off-campus for a little while, at least until he was sure Mizuki would have forgiven him.

The dog and the raven-haired youth walkedin silence for a few minutes, until Yujiro crouched to do his business.

Sano looked around. "Crap, Yujiro. Where'd you take me?"

Mizuki was crouched on Sano's bed with a can of peach juice and a box of strawberry pocky when she realized that Sano's other friends didn't know he was gone. She knew they should know, yet... she just didn't have the heart to tell them.

_You have to tell them sometime_, a voice in her head reasoned. _Why not tell them at dinner?_

"Why should I have to tell them at all?" The girl snapped at herself. Then, realizing she had spoken aloud, she sighed exasperatedly into her hands. "Am I really so lonely that I talk to myself?"

The answer came immediately. _Yes_, the voice in her head told her.

"No, I'm not," she whispered. Clenching her eyes shut around the stinging sensation in their corners, she thought... _but_...

"Fine," she said bitterly. _Let__ the tears come. No one's here to see them anyway._

And so she cried. Each tear was a worry, sliding from her brain to oblivion—at least, she envisioned it that way. It made her feel better, but only marginally.

By the time the door to the dorm room was opened, Mizuki was sitting on the bed sobbing for all she was worth.

Nakatsu stuck his head in the door. Ashiya was gorgeous, even sitting alone and in tears. _Finally_, Nakatsu thought, noting his friend Sano's absence and Mizuki's tears, _my chance!_

"If Izumi made you cry," Nakatsu threatened, "I'll—"

"No, you won't." The object of Nakatsu's fancy looked up, her face red and splotchy from crying. "You'd have to find him first."

"Well I'm sure if he's not _here_ he's at the training fields, like he always is."

"Oh my God! Why didn't I think of that? Nakatsu, you're—you're a _genius!_ C'mon!" Suddenly Ashiya had hope. She was a ball of energy as she pulled on a pair of sneakers and pulled Nakatsu along with her in the direction of the high jump field.

"Of course Sano will've gone there," she gushed. _Maybe he's not really gone! Maybe he doesn't hate me! _"I mean, he always goes there! He practically _lives _there!" The Japanese-American student was radiant and giddy with energy and hope. _Kami, let Sano be there_, she thought desperately.

Nakatsu pushed open the gate to the training field and looked around. His love (Mizuki, whom he thought was a boy) seemed to depend so much on Sano being at the training fields. The blonde boy suspected there was more to this than met the eye, but he wasn't sure what. Nevertheless, he wanted to protect Ashiya's feelings at any cost.

There were a few fanatics running the track or dribbling soccer balls—even one or two practicing high jump—but Sano's black hair and surprising grace were not present.

Mizuki's head popped in under his arm before he could stop it. He felt his one love's entire being deflate upon her observation of Sano's absence and forced himself to push back the feelings of jealousy. _Why couldn't he be this way about me?_ With a firm mental hand, Nakatsu eschewed that line of thought. _Right now, I'm here and he's not. Make the most of it_, he told himself roughly.

"Sano... he's not here." Mizuki's voice pushed out through her tears. _I'm acting like a girl, _she acknowledged. _A guy wouldn't cry over this_. Or maybe he would. She couldn't help it, though.

"Maybe," Nakatsu paused to clear his throat. "Maybe he's in the changing room." He didn't really think so, but anything to make the other happy. _I hate myself_, Nakatsu thought bitingly.

"Maybe so." It was obvious that Mizuki had no real hope, that she just forced herself to say it. "You can check if you like, but I'm going to bed."

"But—but you haven't had _dinner_!"

"I'm _going _to _bed_."

Mizuki made herself walk back to her too-empty room, thinking, _The sooner I end today, the sooner it'll be tomorrow. Maybe... just maybe... Sano will come tomorrow._


	3. A New Day

**Disclaimer: I STILL don't own Hana-Kimi or any of that.**

Chatper Three—A New Day

The second morning began at the same time for both the missing Sano and the Sano-missing Mizuki, although they didn't kno wit, and the way of the morning was abundantly different.

It was a Sunday—no classes—and Mizuki was awoken at 9:30 AM by Nakatsu, Noe, Sekime, Nanba, and Kayashima, crowding around her bed.

"I'm not sure what's wrong with him, but apparently Sano's missing," was the first thing she heard. She wondered idly, _is Nakatsu really that stupid?_

Nanba's voice was next. "Baka, Nakatsu. Tactless and clueless, that's you. Whatever. Let's wake him up. I think Nakao's ready."

"I'm already awake," Mizuki told the group at large, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "Nakao's ready for what?"

"He's bringing it in, since it was his idea. We told him it was dumb, but he was pretty sure you'd like it, so..." Minami snapped his fingers and the door to Mizuki's room swung open. Nakao made his way in with a tray piled whigh with peach juice and Pocky.

"A pity breakfast," Nakao explained as he set it on the bed next to Mizuki. Fastening himself, predictably, to Nanba's arm, he added, "Kayashima said your aura was scary."

"Gee, thanks, Kayashima," she said sarcastically before turning back to Nakao. "And thanks, Nakao. I really appreciate it."

oOo

Meanwhile, Sano was waking from an uncomfortable sleep on a park bench. Despite having plenty of money, he had found it simpler to tie Yujiro to the bench and sleep on it instead. By the time he had settled down enough the previous night to even _consider _sleep, he was even more lost than before, not to mention in a very bad mood.

There appeared to be a bakery nearby, so he grabbed Yujiro's leash and made his way over to it to satisfy the growling, screaming pit of agonizingly blatant hunger in his stomach. His back, limbs, stomach, neck, and head hurt like hell.

"Eurgh... I hope I never have to sleep on a bench again," Sano told Yujiro.

Ignoring the odd looks he was receiving for walking down the crowded sidewalk talking to a dog, Sano added, "You know, Yujiro, I don't know how we got lost—we can't've gone far! I guess I'm not very familiar with the area after all."

At the bakery, he ordered a few anpan buns for the sake of saving money. Biting through the thin crust of the first bun, Sano sighed through a mouthful of sweet paste. "I miss Mizuki."

oOo

"Mizuki, we've got free tickets to the pool. With Sano gone, we can all go! D'you want to come with?" Kayashima held up the seven pool tickets.

_I really want to go, but... A pool?! There'd be NO WAY to hide my secret THERE! _"Um... N-no thanks," Mizuki stammered, unthinkingly drawing her covers over her chest.

"Why not?" Nakatsu willed Ashiya to come—he wanted to see "him" shirtless! This would be his chance!

"I think I'm... uh, I'm catching a cold." Mizuki prayed that her slow, awkward lie would be accepted.

"That's no excues," cried Nakatsu. _I WON'T let this chance slip through my fingers! I'll be SANO gets to see him NAKED all the time! _Nakatsu thought, blushing in a way that gave away his perverted train of thought to even the mundanes who could not see his aura.

"Nakatsu, if he doesn't want to come, don't try to force him," Minami chided his kohai. "In fact, I think I'll stay too—"

"OH, NO YOU WON'T!" stormed Nakao. "You'll come to the pool, Minami. You'll come and _you'll like it_!"

"No, really, I—" Nanba tried in vain.

"You're coming," Nakao said in a tone that left no question in the matter, and that was usually only perfected by mothers.

"Fine," Nanba conceded.

"Well, maybe Mizuki wants me to stay?..." Nakatsu looked unsurely towards Mizuki. _He looks perfectly healthy to me_.

"No, you go have fun at the pool," Ashiya assured him. She wouldn't have minded the company, to tell the truth, but Nakatsu could go to the pool. It was only fair to let him. Kami knew she'd go if she could.

"Well, if you're sure, then I guess it can't hurt..." _Well, maybe he looks a LITTLE pale..._

"Then it's settled," Kayashima said, tearing his eyes away from Mizuki and Nakatsu's auras. "The rest of us will go have fun and think good thoughts about Mizuki's..." he let the pause stretch, zoning out, staring into nowhere. Then, with a quick breath, he snapped out of it and finished, "...recovery."

_It doesn't add up, _Kayashima thought, frowning at Mizuki. _Could Ashiya be... a girl?!_


	4. Three Men

**Disclaimer: Oh, just go read my other disclaimers. After all, nothing's changed.**

**Kayashima: Do I sense a bit of bitterness there?**

**Me: **_**No, **_**Kaya-chan, it's **_**all in your imagination**_**. rolls eyes**

**Kayashima: Oh. Ok, then.**

**Author's Note: The focus of most of this chapter is Kayashima. He's sexy and doesn't get enough story-line-time in the manga, so now's his time to shine! Let the chapter... BEGIN! Btw, sorry it took me so long to get chapters 3 and 4 up. Yeah... I have no excuse, I already had them written, I was just too lazy to actually type them up.**

**Chapter Four: Three Men**

Nakatsu opened the bathroom door to see Kayashima deep in thought, cross-legged on the floor. "Hey, snap out of it, Kayashima. Your turn, and hurry up. I think everybody else is ready, by the racket in the hall."

The dark-haired boy got up, grabbed his black swim trunks, and went into the bathroom, letting the door click shut as he dropped his things on the floor.

_Mizuki? A girl? It would make sense, I guess, _he thought as he pulled his black turtleneck off over his head. Considering his pale chest in the mirror, he continued the train of thought. _I mean, he—She?—is the only one I've never seen shirtless or pantsless in one way or another... _Kayashima unzipped his pants and stepped out of them. _And sometimes there's something... funny about Mizuki's aura..._

He pulled his swim trunks up over his smooth, pale, surprisingly muscular thighs and let them come to rest just above his hipbones, showing off more of his abs than normal.

_Maybe—oh, my God, I wonder if Sano knows?!_

Pushing the door open absently with his hip, he grabbed the tickets from his pants pockets and headed to the pool with the other five.

The pool didn't have much time for thinking peacefully. It seemed like every time Kayashima started thinking about Mizuki again, someone distracted him.

_Or maybe, if he IS a girl—_

_...Ouch. _Someone had thrown a beach ball into his face. A young girl in a cute pink swimsuit with ruffles around the hips—he supposed it was supposed to be a skirt—walked up to get it. Kayashima tried to offer her a smile, but didn't think it had worked, as she grabbed the ball and ran.

—_if she IS a girl, then maybe Sano—_

"Kayashima, either have fun or get out of the water!" Noe's voice rang through his short reverie.

"Oh, um... right. Sorry," the aura-seeing boy apologized.

—_Maybe if Sano knew?—_

"I'm getting out. I need—um, I need a drink. I'll be right back, Noe."

Climbing out of the pool, Kayashima pushed his wet hair out of his face. Just as his thoughts returned to Mizuki (_—Or maybe Sano didn't—_), his face was buried in a pair of large, squishy...

_BOOBS?!_

He looked up, blushing. The owner of the huge breasts—and they WERE huge!—was a tall gaijin. "G-gomen nasai," he mumbled, bowing to the beautiful blonde girl. He stepped around her, trying to ignore his natural testosterone-inspired instincts. To his horror, though, his thoughts of Mizuki had now gone to imagining Mizuki's head on that... well-endowned gaijin's body. He clamped his hand over his nose.

"Kuso," Kayashima cursed. He hadn't had a nosebleed in a VERY long time.

"Here, use this," a kind, feminine voice said. The Japanese was strongly accented with an English lilt, but nevertheless Kayashima was surprised to look up and see the chest of the gaijin from before in his face.

"N-nani?" he stammered.

"No, not _those_, baka! _This!_" The girl held out a dark red handkerchief. When he took it, she crossed her arms beneath her breasts, pushing them up even farther, and said, "My name's Ashley."

"Ashley? Ash—iya..." Kuso! Something was wrong with him. This was not the Kayashima he knew. _Snap out of it_, he told himself sternly.

"No, AshLEY."

"Um, thank you, Ashi—ASHLEY!" _KUSO!_ "I have to go." He ran to the men's room.

For some reason, his immediate thought was:

_Maybe Sano found out Mizuki's a girl—if she IS a girl—and THAT'S why he left!_

oOo

Back at the dorm that night, Kayashima followed Mizuki to her—her?—room after dinner. He was going to ask her THE QUESTION. He just HAD to know.

"Who's—oh, it's you. Come on in," Ashiya was drinking yet ANOTHER can of peach juice.

"Mizuki, I have an important question for you." Kayashima met her gaze with a strong, even gaze of his own.

"Yeah?" 

"Promise you'll answer 100 truthfully?"

"Well, sure, I don't see why—"

It came out in an urgent rush:

"Mizuki-are-you-a-girl?"

oOo

Mizuki panicked. What else could she do? _HE KNOWS?! Oh my God—Kami, he KNOWS! Wait, relax. He doesn't __know__, he __suspects__—OH GOD, HE KNOWS!_

"A girl?" Her voice came out a pitch—or eight—too high. "Wh-why do you think that?" _FUCK_

"Well, I could be wrong, but..." Kayashima faltered. Mizuki's aura was one of panic, but he didn't need to see his friend's aura to tell that. "Well, I never see you shirtless, you never seem to be interested in girls, you get really flustered around guys sometimes... and, um, sometimes you almost seem to be having PMS." He realised how incredibly stupid he sounded. Maybe he was making it all up. "I'm just jumping to conclusions here—" he stopped. Mizuki was crying. Mizuki was... _crying_? Why? Was it really that upsetting? "And, um..." Kayashima regretted getting into this at all, but it was too late now. "So I thought maybe the reason Sano left is that you had a fight... or maybe he figured out your true gender." Deep breath. "So... are you? A girl?"

Mizuki said nothing. She had nothing to say. She COULD tell Kayashima the truth. _And have my only dream shattered? _ She asked herself angrily.

Or she could lie. He had a strong case against her, in her eyes, but maybe...

"Of course not!" Mizuki hoped her aura didn't give her away. "I had a fight with Sano, yes. But it had nothing to do with gender. Sano knows I'm a boy." Or she thought he did, anyway.

"Oh... OK," Kayashima was not convinced, but he knew he had been stupid to ask straight out. Had he really thought she would tell him if she WERE a girl? _Yes, _she realized. But there had to be a reason she was going to an all-boy's school. Obviously if he was right in his accusation, it still had to be a secret. "Goodnight, Mizuki."

"Yeah, goodnight, Kayashima."

_HOW DID HE KNOW?_

oOo

"UMEDA!" Mizuki ran into the health center again. Umeda was writing something, which he immediately stowed away.

"Ashiya! Is Sano back?" The handsome doctor jumped to the obvious conclusion before he saw the panic written on the girl's face.

"Kayashima!" Mizuki panted. She had run straight from the dorm to Umeda's office once Nakatsu's roommate left.

"What about him?" 

"He—he guessed! He asked if I was a girl!" Mizuki forced herself to lower her voice to protect from prying ears.

"Well, I certainly hope you said no!" Umeda was on his feet, looming menacingly. To tell the truth, he was surprised the whole dorm didn't know, and sure Kayashima couldn't be the only one who did.

"I—I did, Doctor, I really did, but I don't think he believed me."

"Ah... well then." Dr. Umeda sat. "The only thing for it is to go tell the boy the truth."

"But what if he tells?"

"Well, you'll swear him to secrecy, _obviously. _Kami, girls are so stupid."

"Right!"

Without further ado, Mizuki was once again a girl on a mission. It was with a purposeful stride that she went back to the dorm and rapped thrice on Kayashima's door.

"Who is it?" The psychic boy called.

"Mizuki. Please let me in, we have to ta—EEEEEEAUUGHHHHHHH!"

Mizuki screamed at the sudden cold on her side. Swivelling around, ready to hit, she fell into Sano's open arms.

Her voice was muffled, but she still managed to get her message to Kayashima ("Never mind... it can wait...").

"I'm sorry," Sano said. "I'm so, so sorry."

The silence in the hall was contented and stretched for upwards of ten minutes, until Sano spoke. It was so quiet that Mizuki thought she could have imagined it, but she could swear she heard Sano whisper:

"Daisuki..."


	5. Tell Him Tonight

**Disclaimer: Agh. Not another God damn disclaimer. Well... y'all know the deal. (Yes, I said y'all.) I don't own Hana-Kimi or any of that. Just this story itself.**

**Author's note: Yeah... I think some of you guys might find this chapter kind of a letdown after the end of the last one. But enjoy and please R&R.**

Chapter Five—Telling Kayashima

When Mizuki awoke the next day, she mentally prepared herself for another miserable, Sanoless day. She even contributed the fact that she could _swear _she heard Sano taking a shower to her missing him. As she ran a comb through her hair, the bathroom door opened and Sano came out.

Mizuki didn't notice her roommate until he started talking, but once she heard his voice ("Mizuki, I'm—"), she burstinto tears. The previous night came rushing back to her, from Sano sticking a can of ice-cold peach juice on her side to Sano hugging her to her crying happy tears in Sano's arms... she felt her face flush. Carefully avoiding looking at Sano's toned, partly-dry chest and stomach, she looked over her shoulder at him. He had his uniform pants on, but his torso was bare, the rogue droplets of water that had escaped his towel were catching the light and shining against his smooth skin.

_Ignore it, ignore it, ign—DON'T LOOK, GIRL! _Mizuki thought desperately.

"You'd better get up, get dressed, and hurry with it," Sano told her, pulling his button-down shirt on over his muscular chest. Mizuki let herself have a moment to mourn the hiding of Sano's body before replying articulately:

"Um... Yeah?" Mizuki cursed to herself. She grabbed her uniform and tripped out of bed.

"I'm heading down—I don't want to miss breakfast." Sano left and shut the door behind him.

Suddenly, as Mizuki was brushing her teeth, it dawned on her that she still didn't know where Sano had been for those two days that he'd been gone. Making a mental note to ask him—once she could meet his gaze, that is—she got dressed and left the room.

By the time Mizuki went down to the cafiteria and bought herself a beef bowl for breakfast, the only empty seat with her friends was between Sano and Kayashima. She took it hesitantly, careful to put a little extra space between herself and Sano.

However, when her thigh touched Kayashima's, she instantly regretted sitting there. She remember his suspicions about her gender. _Shit!_

"Mizuki, what's wrong?" Nakatsu was sitting two seats away from her across the table and seemed to sense her discomfort.

"I'm not—" The girl raked her mind for a good excuse to get away from this dangerous situation. "I'm just not feeling well," was all she could come up with on such short notice. "I think I'll go ask Umeda for some stomach medicine," she added before excusing herself.

There was a short pause at the table when she left. Then Kayashima, who thought he knew the _real _reason she had left (and was half right), pointed out, "Doctor Umeda's not here this early on Mondays. Mizuki knows that."

oOo

Mizuki made it half way to the health center before remembering that Umeda wasn't there, and took a deep breath before leaving and choosing a bench near the first class.

"If anybody finds out," Mizuki said to herself, then let the idea trail off. She didn't want to think about it. "Kayashima had better not tell," she murmered.

"Tell what?"

Mizuki whipped around with a squeak. It was Nakatsu, holding out a pork bun for her. Mizuki frowned. _What the hell? He's supposed to think I'm sick, what's he doing giving me food?_ Nevertheless, she was hungry and took it.

"So?" Nakatsu prompted. "What had Kayashima better not tell?"

Mizuki cursed her carelessness. _Now _what was she supposed to say? "It's nothing," she said, unable to come up with a plausable story in the space of a few seconds.

Nakatsu looked hurt. _Kayashima doesn't lover her like I do, but she tells HIM all her secrets? _The boy jumped to the obvious conclusion.

_Beeeeep_. Mizuki sighed. Saved by the bell.

oOo

The rest of the day, Ashiya went to her classes, each one hell since she had to avoid Sano, Nakatsu, _and _Kayashima. At lunch she made her excuses and left the group, this time careful not to talk to herself in case someone snuck up on her.

But after school, back in the dorm, she _had _to talk to Kayashima. She couldn't continue avoiding him. So she mustered all her courage and walked across to his room.

Knocking on his door, she said, "Please open up. It's Mizuki—I've got to talk to Kayashima."

Luckily, it was the aforementioned boy who opened the door. "Come in," he said. "Nakatsu's at soccer practice. We've got till dinner till he comes back. What is it?"

Ashiya knelt on the floor, letting Kayashima have the bed. He sprawled across it, feet stretched toward the bottom and his arm over the pillow. He looked like a model, lying there in a black turtleneck and matching dress pants with his shoes sitting in the case across the room.

"Um... you asked me a question yesterday... remember it? Where you asked if I was a girl?"

"I remember," Kayashima said, nodding.

"Well... I said I'd answer 100 truthfully and... I didn't. I'm..." She coughed.

"You're a girl," Kayashima finished. He didn't look surprised or even blink.

"Well—"

"Holy hell, don't tell me you're a eunuch!"

Mizuki flushed, not realizing Kayashima was kidding. "WHAT?! OMIGOD, no! I'm a—I'm a girl."

"Does Sano know?" Kayashima sat up, more interested in this answer than Mizuki's confession.

Mizuki froze as a horrible thought dawned on her. _Could Sano know? It wouldn't be that hard, now that I think about it... he spends way more time with me than Kayashima, and Kayashima figured it out..._

"Uh, Mizuki? Are you okay?" Her aura was of panic.

"Huh?" Ashiya was pulled out of her reverie. "Oh, no. I mean, yes. I'm fine." Resisting the urge to add, "At least, I can pretend I am," she added instead, "Sano... as far as I know, he has no idea. At least I hope that's the case."

"I see," Kayashima said quietly, getting up and walking to the door. He didn't want to be rude and kick Mizuki out, but he had to think. "Not to rush you out, but it's getting close to dinner time, and I'd really like to have ome time to think before dinner..."

Ashiya scrambled up. "No problem. Uh, I'll just excuse myself then... I have a writing assignment due tomorrow in English that I should work on anyway..." As she backed out the door, she said, "Ano... bye, then."

oOo

Back in her own room, Mizuki saw things with new eyes: everything she saw, she wondered if it could end up tipping Sano off as to her real gender.

She removed her "girly items" such as tampons, Midol, and other things men just plain didn't use from a basket beneath her spare shoes in her claset, thinkin, _If Sano should ever get curious... _In search of a better hiding place, she prowled the room, barely managing to hid them under a loose-ish floorboard beneath her desk (thinking, _He'd have to be pretty damn curious to be crawling around under my desk!_) beofre Sano himself came in.

"Mizuki!" He appeared slightly flushed and breathless, "I was on my way back from practice when they hailed me down and asked I give this to you... it's airmail from your brother Shizuki!"

Mizuki yanked the letter from Sano's hand and stared at it. Airmail from America to Japan was expensive... What did Shizuki have to say that was that important? She ripped the letter open and stared.


	6. California Sun

**Disclaimer: I'm sick of disclaimers. No more disclaimers on this story. Just know that what I've said in each one to this point still holds true.**

**A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get this up. ****sweatdrop I haven't even been horribly busy or anything, just lazy. Sorry. Hope joo like it. And yeah, the title really has nothing to do with the chapter. Oh, and I just recently got my hands on Hana-Kimi volume 17... I LOVED THE ENDING! IT WAS SO CUTE! Of course, I'm an avid SanoxMizuki shipper, but it was still sooooo cute. Sorry this chapter's so short, too... ENJOY!**

Chapter Six—California Sun

_Mizuki,_

_COME HOME! It's an emergency! Ticket enclosed._

_Love,_

_Your brother,  
Shizuki_

"What the hell is this supposed to be, Shizuki?!" Mizuki yelled.

"What's it say?" Sano hadn't been planning to ask, but Mizuki's reaction somehow told him too. Plus he was curious whether he'd been planning to ask or not.

Mizuki reread it, aloud this time, and shuffled the papers in her hand to look at the plane ticket. "And the ticket's for a flight at noon _tomorrow_!" Then the sentence _It's an emergency! _and the fact that Shizuki knew full-well that he'd be pulling her out of school registered. "But—Sano, it says it's an emergency..."

"Well," Sano said, calmly logical as usual, "The United States is—California is sixteen hours behind us, so it's... well it's about six here... so in Berkley it's... about... two in the morning. Better not call... I guess you'd better pack, then. I'll—uh, I'll take this to Nanba, if you don't mind, and explain. I'll bring you some food, too, then I'll help you pack."

Sano left, not waiting for Mizuki's answer. Crouching on the floor staring after Sano, Mizuki whispered, "Kami... I hope they're all okay..." Then she hoisted herself up and walked over to the closet to get her suitcase.

oOo

"He didn't say why?" The R.A. of Dorm 2 raked his hand through his hair and furrowed his brow. This was certainly an unusual situation. Most families called in true emergencies, and told the emergency. What's more, most of the students wouldn't be going all the way to America to visit their family for an emergency.

"No—here, I've got the letter here if you want to read it. It doesn't give much away, though." Sano fished the note from his back pocket and handed it to Minami.

After quickly scanning the few sentences, Nanba handed the note back. "Shouldn't we call his family and see what's up?" he proposed. His hair had fallen back in his gorgeous face, and he swiped it away, all business. "I mean, we can't exactly let him fly off to the other side of the world right in the middle of the week, I'm sure you agree... especially when he doesn't know _why_."

"Ano... it's two A.M. in Berkley—that's where he... _his _family lives."

"...Oh." Minami seemed slightly dejected. "Well,' he said, getting his groove back, "I'm sure you can call in the morning. If it's about two now... actually, probably closer to 2:30... let's see, that'd make it about 5 P.M. at 9-ish tomorrow morning. And Mizuki's flight leaves...?"

"Noon."

"Hmmm." This really was tricky. The timing was all wrong, damn it! Finally, Minami sighed and said, "I'll get him excused, but if you hear from him while he's gone, make sure you let me know when he'll be back."

"No problem."

"Now go get dinner."

Sano excused himself and walked down to the cafeteria, stuffing the note back in his pocket. A slight panic was rising up in his chest. It seemed that the fact that there was an _emergency _in Mizuki's family and that she'd be going to _America _and leaving him alone for God-knows-how-long had just sunk in. "Fuck," he said quietly.

Down in the cafeteria, he picked up a beef bowl for himself and one for Mizuki. She probably wouldn't want an extremely extravegant meal while she was trying to pack.

"**SANO! OVER HERE!" **Sano instinctively whipped his head around, although he already recognized the loud, brazen voice as Nakatsu's. Sure enough, the aforementioned blonde was waving him over to the table where he and his friends sat. Deciding it would be rude to ignore him, Sano lugged the two beef bowls over to the table.

Nakatsu scooted over and patted the seat next to him. "Have a seat, Sano, where's Mizuki? Why isn't he with you and why d'you have two beef bowls and can I have one?" He said in one breath. Nakatsu was always hyper right after soccer practice.

"Sorry, Nakatsu. Can't. Have to take one of these up to Mizuki and help him pack."

"Pack? Where's he going? Should I help?"

"Yes, pack. He's going to Berkley to visit his family. There's an emergency of some sort, but I don't know what. And you can finish eating down here, then if it's not too ltate, feel free to come help." Sano headed off further questioning by adding a quick, "G'bye" and walking away.

oOo

At the table in the cafeteria, Nakatsu stared after Sano with his mouth hanging wide open, looking incredibly stupid. He had never thought he'd ask Kayashima this, but he was worried about his love Mizuki, so...

"Kayashima... what was Sano's aura like?"

oOo

"Okay... so Nanba's excusing me no matter what? I mean, with the airport security and all, I don't know if I'd have time to call..." Mizuki checked as she shoved some of her textbooks in her suitcase so she could keep up with her studies overseas.

"Yeah. He just said to let him know if I hear when you'll be back."

"Oh... okay, well as soon as I can, I promise I'll call you and let you know what's going down and when I'll be home, right?" Mizuki blushed slightly at her calling the school "home" and continued, "And please keep what I tell you a secret apart from when I'll be back?"

Sano nodded. "Check your suitcase—is that everything?"

Mizuki sifted through the cse, checking for the essentials she'd need in America. It wasn't much, as she had a lot of what she'd need already at home. "I think so," she pronounced after everything was back in place.

There was an awkward silence before Sano abruptly got up and grabbed his jacket. He said, "Well, I'm going to go walk Yujiro. You should go to bed early—you have a long day ahead of you, I'd bet."

As he walked out of the door, Sano glanced back over his shoulder. Mizuki looked so vulnerable kneeling on the floor by her suitcase, staring worriedly into space...

Watching Sano's back as he shut the door, Mizuki had a sudden flashback of the night he came back...

"_Daisuki..." _

oOo

The next morning, pretty early, Mizuki got up and slid on a pair of jeans and a thin sweater, then joined the boys of 2-C at breakfast.

"Mizuki!" called Noe, "How's your dad? Has he woken up yet?"

"Huh?" Mizuki answered.

"Noe, stupid, her DAD'S fine—her mom's the dying one!"

"WHAT?!" Mizuki shrieked. _Mom's dying? How? And how do they know before I do?_

Sano shut everybody up and turned to Ashiya. "Don't worry about it, it's just rumors. I told Nakatsu you had to go home for a family emergency and... well, you know... rumor mill. I'm sure if your dad were in a come or your mom was dying, Shizuki would have told you so you didn't find out from someone else. Guys," he added, turning to the rest of the table, "those aren't true. Stop trying to upset Mizuki—all anybody knows is what Shizuki told us, which is that it's an emergency."

After a short, chastised pause, Sekime spoke up. "Say, Mizuki, if it's an emergency, why'd your brother airmail you? Why didn't he call?"

Mizuki replied that she didn't know, but she looked hopeful.

oOo

A few hours later, Mizuki sat in a cramped seat on the small plane taking her home. Her forehead was pressed against the tiny, cold window. _What happened? What's the emergency? _The same thoughts had been running through her head nonstop for hours.

The seatbelt light went on. Fastening her seatbelt, Mizuki realized that she was landing in California and hadn't even noticed it.

oOo

After grabbing her luggage, Mizuki found her brother, looking weary with bloodshot eyes and messy hair, leaning against a pole.

Running to him, she folded into his arms in a bear hug. Then she pulled back, suddenly remembering the nature of her visit.

"Shizuki, what's the emergency?"

"Mizuki... Mom's dead."


	7. Danger Versus Tragedy

**Author's Note: Okay... I **_**tried **_**to update fast for this chapter. But let me tell you, it was hell to write. I had no idea how to get where I wanted to go from how I ended the last chapter... but here it is. The chapter you've been waiting for. Sorry it's so short. And by the whole "solving it the American way" thing, I mean no offense to Americans or America or anything. (Hey, **_**I'm **_**an American!) I just needed something to put there. Enjoy.**

**Chapter Seven—Danger Versus Tragedy**

Time slowed to a near stand-still. As people crept by, Mizuki stood, completely shocked. In her mind, various pictures of her mother dying crowded in. She imagined Eiko driving down the road, perhaps to buy groceries, and getting hit, head-on by a semi... She imagined her mom accidentally getting shot in a drive-by shooting... Each image of her mother's death was more dramatic (and unlikely) than the last. A view of her mother, slowly dying of cancer, floated into her mind... her mother dying of cancer with her ungrateful younger child in a completely different _country_... Her mother next died of falling off a cliff, then of being stabbed to death by a jealous ex-lover, then being poisoned with a tincture meant for the king of some far-away country... Then Mizuki gathered herself and asked Shizuki, "Mom's dead? How?"

The answer was one of the few causes of death that had not flitted through her mind in that panicked minute or so. "Well, um..." Shizuki cleared his throat, then mumbled something that sounded like "blue is white."

"What?"

Shizuki appeared extremely uncomfortable, as if he had just wet himself or something, and couldn't wait for the entire situation to be over. "The cause appeared to be... ahhh... suicide."

Mizuki stared. _Suicide? _Her mother had never been the suicidal type... Never! Never even been depressed! _What the hell is going on? _Mizuki wondered. She knew she couldn't have been told the whole truth. That _couldn't _be the whole truth! Her heart pounded and her brain worked overtime as she studied her brother's face. "Suicide?"

Shizuki cleared his throat again. "Let's discuss it in the car, shall we?" And with that, he grabbed her suitcase and strode towards the SUV waiting in the parking lot.

Mizuki hung behind for a moment, still shocked at the news, and narrowed her eyes at her brother's back. The grief hadn't set in yet, and she hadn't fully realized that her mother was _dead_. All she knew right then was that something was most certainly not right.

oOo

In the car, Shizuki kept his mouth clamped shut, refusing to talk about the, as he called it, "unfortunate circumstances" of their mother's death. Mizuki could barely believe this was her brother... "unfortunate circumstances" her ass. He sounded like a complete (hearltess) imbicile!

Mizuki propped her feet up on the dashboard and tapped her fingers rhythmically on her thighs, thinking hard. _How could Mom have commited suicide? She's just not suicidal! She's not! She... she _didn't _commit suicide..._

"Shizu... please. Just... tell me. What did she do? Where was she found? Was there a note? Come on! Tell me! I deserve to know, I'm her god damn daughter!"

Shizuki sighed deeply, then said quietly, "Are you entirely sure you want to hear this? It's rather..." His voice trailed off.

"I want to hear," insisted Mizuki.

"Fine. Okay, she was found in your..." he coughed quietly, then continued, his voice pitched quieter than Mizuki had ever heard it, "...your bedroom. Clutching the telephone, actually. A bottle of... well, there were pills there once..." He looked about to cry. "Don't make me go over this with you... can't you just look for yourself when we get home? We have a photograph of the scene... and... we have the note..." A tear slid down his cheek, which he forcefully brushed away.

Mizuki nodded.

oOo

Back at their house, Mizuki found her usually hyper dad sitting listlessly on the couch, eyes swollen and a box of tissues in hand. Shizuki walked over and took the lone photograph from the glass coffee table by their father's feet. Silently, he handed the photo to his sister.

Mizuki was almost afraid to look, but it was as if some magnetic force was pulling her eyes to the picture.

It was a dark picture, the details of the room (and, she noticed, with a sick feeling in her stomach, her mother's body) just barely discernable. Her mother was lying crumpled on the floor with the telephone clutched to her ear and a bottle of pills lying open on the floor. She was lying between the door and Mizuki's bed, as if she had stumbled in the door and fallen, dropping the pill bottle, already dying. Mizuki thought she was going to throw up, and collapsed into an armchair, her eyes glued to the photograph. Shizuki quietly offered her the handwritten note.

_Dear everyone,_

_I have no choice but to do this. I can't explain why, though. It would put you in danger. Grave, grave danger. Please cremate me and keep the urn. You will know where to spread me, and when to do it._

_But please know that I really, truly love you all._

_Love,_

_Eiko_

Mizuki stared at the note for a moment after she read it, not comprehending a word. Then, blinking out the tears that were blurring the words in front of her eyes, she read it again. The flowing, dancing script of her mother's hand sat on that page, not offering a single hint as to why she had done what she had done. Mizuki dropped the note and the photograph to the floor and curled up in the armchair. She sat just staring at her knees, at first, but then a single tear coursed down her smooth cheeks.

Shizuki picked up the photograph and note, set them on the table, and disappeared into the kitchen, where Mizuki heard him cry quietly.

What could have forced her mother to do such a thing? Such a... a vile thing! She had had "no choice," as she put it. _No choice? No choice? So she decides to rip apart my family to "protect" us? What the hell could have her—us!—in such danger that she had to do this? She had to choose between putting us in danger and making our lives a Shakespeare-worthy tragedy, didn't she? Well. I can't decide which would be worse. _Mizuki thought bitterly.

oOo

A full seven hours later, Mizuki got up from the armchair, unfolding herself and walking to the refrigerator. She was going to solve this the American way—eat. Her movements were jerking and articulated at the wrong moments. She looked like a stick insect crawling along a branch.

When she got to the refrigerator, she helped herself to some orange juice and an apple. _Something's not right about this._

She sat down at the kitchen table to eat and think. But then her thoughts drifted back to Japan... back to Sano. _Mizuki! You shouldn't be thinking about him at a time like this!_ her inner voice scolded.

But another voice inside her whined, _But he said to call..._

_MIZUKI! YOUR MOTHER IS DEAD! _shrieked the first voice.

Mizuki Number Two replied, _But Sano said to call. I... I love him, I want him to share my pain._

_You don't want to burden him with it_, reasoned Mizuki One.

Mizuki picked up the phone, ignoring Mizuki One. She dialed the number of Sano's cell phone, glad that it was an international model.

_Riiiing. Riiiiing. Rii—_"Hello?"

Mizuki's dead insides tried to fight back alive at the sound of Sano's voice.

She slammed the phone back into it's cradle.


	8. Tragedies Always Make Great Conflicts

_Disclaimer: Still don't own it._

_A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. I'm completely pulling this out of my ass now, because the last chapter was a total deviation from the original plot. That makes it a slower write. This chapter is dedicated to everybody who's reviewed, but __especially__Moon and Waves, for whom this chapter is named__. I love you guys! Also, if I get three or more reviews per chapter, I might start doing shout-outs. Totally un-beta'd. Hope there aren't too many typos. Alright, enjoy..._

**Chapter 8—Tragedies Always Make Good Conflicts**

That night, nobody made or ate dinner. Mizuki refused to enter her bedroom—after all, her mother had _died _in there! Mizuki and her father pulled out the sofa bed, for he didn't want to sleep in the room he and Eiko had always shared—and lay there for hours, complete insomniacs. When morning finally came, and the travel alarm clock they had set up next to the bed let out a series of obnoxious beeps, Mizuki rolled off the uncomfortable mattress gladly. She had simply spent the night passing time, trying not to think about Sano or her mother, trying not to cry. Morning was a welcome distraction.

Mizuki rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and ambled over to the kitchen. The counters, cabinets, and refrigerator were, as always, stocked very well with food, some Asian, some American. However, nothing appealed to Mizuki. In fact, she felt slightly sick to her stomach.

After finally settling on a simple piece of toast with butter (although the powdered mini donuts came in a very close second), Mizuki meandered back into the living room, carrying her already half-eating breakfast. To her dismay, though, eating the toast did nothing to settle her stomach.

When Mizuki finished her breakfast, she sat back in the armchair she had occupied the previous night and reflected on the events of said night. As she thought, a fact hit her: _Mom fucking committed SUICIDE! _She had realized it the night before, of course, but hadn't really _accepted _it. _If Mom committed suicide... oh, God. Why was she holding the phone? What... what happened? Why wasn't anybody __there_

Slowly, Mizuki hoisted herself out of her chair and walked over to the stairway up to the second floor, where her bedroom was. When she reached the closed door, she felt a knot twist in the bottom of her stomach. With a shaking hand, she pushed it open and flicked the lights on.

The room looked exactly the same as it had when Mizuki had left it, at first glance. Mizuki was fairly surprised—for some reason, she had expected something to look awfully different. Perhaps she had expected blood on the carpet, or everything torn up and thrown out of place, or maybe even her mother's body still lying on the floor. However, everything was exactly the same, but—she gasped. There was a sheet of paper most of the way under her bed, with something scrawled on it in large letters. Pulling it out, Mizuki saw that the letters were actually numbers. A telephone number. Mizuki turned the paper over, looking for futher clues as to what the number could be. The other side of the paper was blank.

Shaking once again, Mizuki picked up the phone. She refused to let herself think about what she was doing, and punched in the number. Then she held the phone up to her ear.

Whomever was on the other end only let the phone ring once before picking it up and barking, "IDENTIFY YOURSELF."

Mizuki paused, unsure what to say. "Um, I'm Eiko's daughter?"

"WHO?"

"Eiko?"

"Who the fuck is Eiko?"

"My mother?"

There was a pause, then the man on the other end yelled, "HEY FREDDY, YOU KNOW AN EIKO?"

Mizuki heard muffled speech—nearly ten minutes' worth—before the man came back and said, "We don't know an Eiko."

More muffled speech.

"We don't know an Eiko, plus we wouldn't talk to her daughter if we did."

"But, sir! She's—she's dead!" Mizuki blurted.

Silence.

"Eiko's dead?"

"Yes, she—"

"HEY FREDDY, SHE'S _DEAD_!"

Mizuki frowned. _I thought they said they didn't know her!_

"Listen girly, Freddy wants to talk to you."

"Um, ok—"

"Eiko's dead?" This was a different man, presumably Freddy.

Mizuki suddenly felt like she shouldn't have gotten herself in this in the first place. "Yes, that's what I—"

"Is it our fault?"

"I don't know."

"Fuck. FUCK."

"Um—"

"I guess I better tell you what was going on?"

"Yes!"

"Your—Mother, you said?"

"Ye—"

"She was doing some work for me and Freddy here, and the company."

"The company?"

"Yeah. We're... I think you'll have to come down to the office if we're going to tell you anything else."

"Um—" _Mom wouldn't want me involved..._

"RAY, CAN WE HAVE THE KID DOWN TO THE OFFICE?" There was a pause, then Freddy said, "Come down to the BP gas station on Main. We'll pick you up there. How soon can you be there?"

"Um... Fifteen minutes?"

"We'll be there. You'll know us because we say we're us."

"I—"

The line went dead.

Mizuki dropped the phone back in the cradle and ran down the stairs. Calling, "I'm going out, I'll be back in a while," Mizuki grabbed shoes and a jacket, stuck her wallet and cell phone in her pocket, and ran as fast as she could to the BP.

She was a little bit early arriving there, and huddled by the corner of the building. A few minutes later, a silver convertible pulled up and directly to her.

"I'm Freddy," a black man in the driver's seat said. "You're Eiko's kid?"

"Ye—"

"Get the fuck in."

_A/N again: Bit short this time. Sorry, guys. Please review!_


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